Now here is the truth; I am tired. Good lord I am tired how is it supposed to be a game to me when I am fighting to keep the people I play with interested in the game? Drop then. Leave. I can't do it anymore. I will lose otp's, friendships what-have-you. I'm losing people that I love so much to other games, other people. I don't want to hear about your logs, I don't want to hear about these games that you love playing at when you are so unhappy with the one game we share. I don't. I'm jealous and hurt. I'm not good enough to hold on to people, I thought I had some RP skill, mediocre at best, but I don't. I mustn't. I don't log anymore, not with the people I care for the most. I hear about their logging, their fun and adoration to the rp partner of their dreams. It's just a game, you say. This is clearly and overreaction of some kind, and maybe it is; I am prone to this sort of reply. This is how I do it. I am emotional, I cry at the drop of a hat, I curse and I get angry. But that is who I am, it's how I have always been.
I would love nothing more than to quit all my RPs. Surely I wouldn't be letting anyone down, I don't interact or role play with anyone anymore. Mayhaps a year was too long, like all else everything fades, withers and dies, RP relationships the same. I do love talking, casual chatter is nothing short but fascinating, time-consuming and I love it. I do. But whenever the conversation takes a turn to that topic which I most utterly dislike; rp, I don't want to hear it. Tell me of your muses, that is fine; I often talk of my own because writing them is a part of me. But I don't want to hear of this one RP which is so awesome because so-and-so is there and you LOVE playing with them SOOOO much. My otp is brought up, I hear you playing it with other people (not that that is a problem, I am not that shallow, play with whom you like) and I see it progressing at a normal casual pace, wherein at our place it has come to a full stop. All of our pairings have gone to a full. stop.
Am I really that terrible?
Although I spoke of this and begged apology for this before;
I am sorry, no matter if it is futile or not. I am truly sorry. Sorry that I am not good enough nor interesting enough. Just say the word and I will drop my muses so you can be more comfortable to drop your own.
That is all.
Fine. People want me to talk? I'll talk. I can't please everyone, as a matter of fact I piss off a person every day, it's in my nature, it's who I am. I can give you honesty I can write down for hours and hours, paragraph upon paragraph and chances are you won't like it. You will narrow your eyes, feel anger boil in your belly. I am anger, I am your anger. Do I relish in it? Do I relish in the fact that my biggest strength is to make someone hate me? No. No I do not. But it happens, I have bowed down and accepted the fact that I am the bane of most people's existence.